adengutierrez.com

Instagram

Tag: comedy

  • I am having kids… maybe.

    1/15/24

    Theoretically, I love children. I am genuinely enthralled by the concept of raising my own offspring, teaching them your wisdom, guiding them through life, and loving them with such an intense passion. I just don’t think it’s meant for me. At least, that is the mindset I have right now for my future. Things may change. 

    Children, for me, are too unexpected. For one, I am a queer man. Yes, I could have children with a wife, but she could be infertile, or I could be infertile. Moreover, the baby could die at birth, the mother could die, or they could both die. With a man, I would want to pass down my genetics, but my husband could disagree, or, again, I could be infertile. I have said all this completely disregarding my apathy towards marriage and not mentioning the likelihood of my mental illnesses passing down. 

    There are so many obstacles just leading up to the birth of my possible future child. Though, I would be lying if I claimed that having children has not crossed my mind. I am specifically interested in the names of my children. I do not care about the supposed genders of my children regarding their names (and personal expression), but there are some names that I would prefer attached to a gender. For example, I would name one of my children Joan, but I’d like it better for a boy. I have always liked the name Joan, which I had learned in reference to Joan of Arc, but I have since also associated it with my favorite author, Joan Didion. I would also consider passing down my first name, Aden, to a child. Aden used to be the capital of Yemen. It was a beautiful port city on the coast of the Gulf of Aden, which my mom visited often in her youth. It was ravaged by the ongoing war and the Battle of Aden, but its beauty projects through me (or so I would like to think). In Arabic, Aden means paradise. I really enjoy my name, but I would consider un-whitewashing the pronunciation. I have pronounced my name rhyming with “Jayden,” when it should probably be pronounced rhyming with “Madden.” 

    I take names very seriously, as I am sure is apparent. My dogs’ names are Atticus Finn and Fiona Lucille, whom I named. They are both Yorkshire terriers, ages five and one, who weigh no more than seven pounds combined. For short, my family calls them Finn and Lucy. I named Atticus based on the character in To Kill a Mockingbird, which is a favorite book for my mother and me. His middle name, Finn, is from Adventure Time, my favorite show. I chose Lucy’s first name because I thought Fiona and Finn coupled adorably. Plus, the female version of Finn in Adventure Time is named Fionna. Lucille comes from Lucille Ball, whom my mother and I admire. 

    If I ever procure offspring, I will handle the decision of their names with care.

  • Cole Dickerson wants to connect.

    1/9/25

    “Cole Dickerson wants to connect,” reads my most recent notification. It is from LinkedIn. I know who Cole is. I accept the connection. Cole Dickerson and Aden Gutierrez are officially connected. 

    I have about 40 connections on LinkedIn. My bio reads “Student | Finance Intern | Photographer | Writer.” My profile’s photo is the same as my senior yearbook’s. I am not an avid LinkedIn user; I update my profile with new internships and job positions, but that is the extent of my activity. I exist as a professional entity within LinkedIn’s field of data only for the future. In the future, some possible employers will Google my LinkedIn and browse it. 

    I do not know why LinkedIn is such a popular professional platform. It is essentially an online resume. Why would a company need my LinkedIn if they have my resume? I understand that connections within the app may be helpful in some capacity, but why does it matter how many people have? I know dozens of people who offer their LinkedIn profiles to people they just meet or advertise their profiles in giant group chats, all for the sake of increasing their connections. What good do connections actually do? According to Reddit, they may benefit you when searching for a job, as you may find one from a mutual connection. This, though, does not convince me to go out of my way to find connections.

    I actually have a connection that actively posts on their profile as they would on social media. They write about musical composition and physics; this person is my suitemate, a college freshman. Though, I cannot lie. I enjoy reading their posts, but what purpose do they really serve? Yes, I say this as a person writing on a blog, but blogs are different. They are a place to release creative writing as a more polished form of social media. LinkedIn is not a creative platform; it is a professional one. So, why the sudden LinkedIn propaganda among college students? Whatever the PR team at LinkedIn corporate is doing to feed LinkedIn to young professionals is working exceptionally.

    I, however, am not buying into it. I shall remain a LinkedIn skeptic and use it only when absolutely necessary. Consider me a modern Montgomery Bus boycotter. 

  • Sending my prayers.

    1/9/25

    As an atheist, the phrase “praying for you” carries with it no real meaning. Sure, at first, it sounds endearing, and I am sure it is impactful for the one sending their prayers, but, for me, it does nothing. “Wow, thank you so much for speaking to thin air about my issues!” No, but really, how does praying help? I feel the same way about saying “bless you” when someone sneezes; I have long stripped it from my vocabulary.  However, I have not yet found an alternative for sending my prayers to someone. It is quite a natural response to disaster, I have recently learned.

    About a month ago, a Palestinian artist reached out to me via Instagram. I have been following his work for a little while now and often share it to my Instagram stories. I genuinely love his work, and it is so much more impactful coming from someone living amidst a genocide—from my days working for a news publication, I have learned the Associated Press-approved term is “Israel-Hamas war” but I don’t fucking care and this is not a major news publication. The message from Osama Hussen (user @os.hussen), along with a link to his Gofundme, sent to me read: “I am Osama, the ambitious artist who has always seen his parents proud of him, his art, and his determined goals despite limited resources. My small studio, filled with paintings and beauty, was completely destroyed during the war. All I desire now is to survive with my family. This time, I genuinely seek help only to save our lives.” Naturally, I had an intense reaction. I have always kept his likely suffering in mind when absorbing his work, but to have Osama reach out personally to me was shocking; it profoundly shocked me. Here, this internet entity on my phone was talking directly to me about his horrific suffering. Immediately, I humanized him on a very real level. I donated to his GoFundMe, shared his information on my social media, and took some time to ponder my response to him. After many drafts, I responded, “all the love brother. i have sent $60 and will send prayers for you and your family.” I wanted to keep the message simple and easily translatable, as his phone was probably in Arabic and my message would need to be converted from English. 

    Anyway, I said the phrase which I claim has no meaning. I mean, I did not know what else to say. Was I to tell Osama, “I hope that Israel stops bombing your country soon,” or “I’m really sorry you’re going through that, I hope it gets better?” No, of course not, so I sent him my prayers. An atheist sending you their prayers is like a blind person telling you they love your outfit. I still feel terrible about my empty promise. Sometimes, I wonder if I should actually start praying for him, but that would cross a boundary in my religious recovery. It would also be meaningless. I guess I could say I sign a ton of petitions, donate frequently, and protest for the Palestinian cause, but, while true, it would do him no good. So, I resulted to a banal lie. I have since weighed the event in my personal moral compass (which Christians seem to think atheists lack) and found that my lie did more good than bad. 

    I am still uncomfortable with the idea of “sharing my prayers” with others and want to avoid repeating it in the future, but I have yet to find a satisfying replacement. The best I can think of is “I hope you get/feel/become better,” but it lacks true empathy, and is hope actually different from prayers? Maybe I will just permanently remove the phrase from my vocabulary with no replacement. 

    I am reminded of my encounter with Osama a month later because of the recent fires in the Los Angeles area. They “already rank as some of the most destructive in state history,” The New York Times reads. I’ve seen people post online about praying for those going through this tragedy, which leaves me puzzled. I would not know what to say to a victim of the fires. “I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you can begin to rebuild easily and quickly” is the best I can think of. I am coming to terms with the fact that sometimes prayer is truly the strongest thing to send someone in times of desperation, which I say not as a testament of faith. Do not be confused; I am nowhere near converting from atheism, but sometimes, the psychological effects of prayer can be great for people. I, however, am not one of those people. If my house and city burned down and people sent me their prayers, I’d feel nothing besides the grief for my house and city. 

    Though my view on this may seem cynical and depressing, I would seek comfort in other ways, like family and friends and writing and shopping. No, seriously, shopping is a very real addiction of mine that I have been working on. The dopamine I feel after buying clothes or bags is comparable to a crack high—I assume, as a crack-sober person. To you, reading this, I ask for prayers for my recovery.